Are you stuck in a conflict with your dog?
As much as we wish it to be otherwise, not every walk with our dog is an idyllic Smiling Leash walk. We are two different individuals, and our ideas, opinions, and desires do not always match.
For example, you might need to go home, but your dog wants to keep walking and sniffing, maybe even visit that neighbour who's making a nice-smelling barbecue. Another common example: your dog struggles to pass other dogs calmly. So every time you see another dog on the horizon, your heart starts racing, and you need to work hard to prevent a reaction from your dog.
In the photo, you can see Heidi refusing to go home: her plans included visiting another area instead.
These situations, and many others, have the potential to create a conflict between us and our dogs. We may start seeing our dog as someone we need to fix, make them behave in a certain way, and fit the definition of what we think is appropriate behaviour.
Unfortunately, conflict can become chronic. It easily grows into a habit that affects our relationship and how our dog behaves: our dog might start freezing, shutting down, or rebelling against our coercive actions.
What can we do about it? Sadly, the modern dog training industry does not help us solve conflicts with our dogs. So much of modern training is centred around "how to make my dog do this thing." We constantly contemplate how to make our dog more convenient, and we've invented many ways to use coercion: treats, tools, you name it.
So, how do we get out of the chronic conflict?
To solve a conflict, we need to hear both sides and communicate with each other on equal terms. Instead of pushing from both sides, we should aim to achieve a sense of togetherness and mutual understanding.
Dogs feel very well when they are understood, supported, and loved for who they are. When you are on your dog's side, it becomes easier to communicate and make compromises.
There is no way around it other than trying to understand your dog's perspective better: learning canine body language will help you a lot in this regard. Start with the book by Turid Rugaas, "On Talking Terms with Dogs," and then, learning never really stops.
If you are struggling with confrontational situations, here are some practical tips you can try:
Firstly, think — are you experiencing burnout? The caretaker's role is tough, and we all need a break to put our needs first, so we can give back to others.
Next time you are out with your dog, imagine your dog weighs 100 kg or that you do not have a leash. You have to communicate without the use of the leash, using only your voice and body language.
Find places for walks that make you both relaxed and calm. Go there as much as possible, and sometimes, skipping a walk is a good idea.
Practice activities that give the lead to the dog, such as tracking and nose work. This helps you see your dog in a new light: a capable, smart individual with their own valid feelings, needs, and opinions.
These tips have been very helpful in shifting the relationship between our clients and their dogs, and we hope they can be useful to you too!
We can all have a bad day, but we are in this together, with our dogs by our side.
